So, I’ve been noodling on this pattern for a while.
I have a complicated relationship with crochet. Meaning, we don’t get along very well. I can generally make it work though. I suspect this will be one of those moments.
That dark blue is supposed to be straight and the center of the other end, where the marker is should be is very much not centered. So shortly this will be torn out and restarted. I don’t mind the restarting so much as the uncertainty on if I’m doing it right.
Uncertainty seems to be the name of the game lately though. Our housing is up in the air and that freaks me out quite a bit. We’re still packing but currently, we have no set place to go. I think the packing is a nervous thing, just trying to get something done. We’ll have to have something figured out by the end of the month so fingers crossed.
The updating once a week was feeling confining. My other journaling place has pretty much died out but I still have words that need to get out of my head, onto the screen. I’ll be breaking things out a bit more over here. It’ll still be primarily knitting, sewing, and crafting of some sort. But I’m feeling more that crafting of my life is also a thing and something that I need to work on.
This is my stash .. or about half of it.
There’s more fiber in a tote in a storage building and about half the yarn is still over at the ex’s. I have to stand on the couch to see even partway inside the top two drawers (yay for being short). I can’t fully open any of the drawers and I can’t access the bottom two (not pictured) at all without moving several things.
I was frantically pawing at it night before last because I was quickly running out of the alpaca I was knitting with and I knew there was just a tiny bit left over from a previous project. I found it. I also found a gorgeous blue sock yarn that I want to make socks with and then use the remainder to make little footies to wear with my heels for the wedding. Last night I couldn’t find it at all, despite knowing I shoved it back into the drawer that has a bit peeking out.
I did manage to find two left over balls that I had set aside to make fingerless mitts with (and then lost one of them). But I’m apparently short by 20 yards to make any of the designs I found on Ravelry. Yes, I could make my own pattern but my brain is mush these days and I really just want to sit down and follow somebody else’s trials and mistakes without having to think all that much. Even trying to find a pattern for a random bit of yarn is feeling altogether too much.
It’s dumb, I know, to complain about such trivial things. But I feel like I’m incredibly limited in what I can easily lay my hands on and lately everything feels like a chore. None of my crafting is leaving me fulfilled. I’m sure I’d feel better if I put laundry up or organized the pantry / bathroom / everything shelf we have but when I’m already feeling worn out and at the end of my rope that doesn’t appeal at all.
I’m still here, I’m just drowning under a mountain of have to’s, should do’s, and I don’t wanna’s.
Point the 1st:
You must find zen and come to the realization that it will be you and giant shawl forever, always knitting those “last few rows before bind off”. You must understand that there is no bind off for giant shawl. Giant shawl will forever live on your needles and never be complete. It is only then, when you find peace with this, that you finish the last rows and begin the triangles for bind off. Not a moment before.
Point the 2nd:
I have crazy beliefs on my knitting speed. I took enough yarn for 6 projects, the aforementioned giant shawl, 3 scarves, my travel socks, and yarn to cast on another pair of socks, just in case. Did I touch any of the projects other than giant shawl? Nope On the other hand, had I only taken 1 or 2 projects I would have flown through them and been sitting on the couch ready to knit with Nox hairs.
Point the 3rd:
I can design things … if given enough quiet time to think. I must also come the realization that putting it off for after I finish giant shawl is futile and will only result in frustration. See Point the 1st.
Point the 4th.
Shadow must have something on the needles that is for Shadow. Shadow loves knitting for others, absolutely adores it to be honest. But Shadow is finding that knitting her little heart out and then mailing every single thing away is a little hard. She needs to keep something once in a while. Shadow will set up scheduling so that in the future she has room for personal side projects … like designing and trying new ideas.
Point the 5th.
Star Wars: The Old Republic is the perfect knitting companion as you can listen as they give you more story line. Doing this means you fall more into the story line and are more invested. It’s a great compromise. Life, and yarn, are good. Shadow’s knitting brain is reset and extremely happy to have things in order.