Sock Scrap Blanket

I find that it’s good to have at least one mindless thing on the needles, sometimes more than one. I have the scrap blanket that fills that spot, at least for now. It’s still small enough to be portable, simple enough that I can do it in the dark at a movie, and yet the stripy colors make it feel like potato chip knitting.

Each little section of color finished feels like an accomplishment. As does the corners. I did manage to do a bit of it while watching Wonder Woman. Though I did manage to miss a stitch and end up with one more on the needles than I was supposed to have. I tried to figure it out in the dark but Gal Gadot’s lips were incredibly distracting.

I should be working on the sea slug but I’m not quite mentally focused enough for that. My sinus’ are still chaotic with an infection of some sort and depression is running rampant in my brain meats, what with the housing stuff. I think I know what I need to do so that everything lines up though, so hopefully when I sit down to begin again it’ll fall neatly into place. Though I’m super glad I didn’t cut the yarn every couple of rounds as the instructions say, that would be quite frustrating to basically be out that yarn.

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Demise of a Sea Slug

So, I’ve been noodling on this pattern for a while.

I have a complicated relationship with crochet. Meaning, we don’t get along very well. I can generally make it work though. I suspect this will be one of those moments.

That dark blue is supposed to be straight and the center of the other end, where the marker is should be is very much not centered. So shortly this will be torn out and restarted. I don’t mind the restarting so much as the uncertainty on if I’m doing it right.

Uncertainty seems to be the name of the game lately though. Our housing is up in the air and that freaks me out quite a bit. We’re still packing but currently, we have no set place to go. I think the packing is a nervous thing, just trying to get something done. We’ll have to have something figured out by the end of the month so fingers crossed.

The updating once a week was feeling confining. My other journaling place has pretty much died out but I still have words that need to get out of my head, onto the screen. I’ll be breaking things out a bit more over here. It’ll still be primarily knitting, sewing, and crafting of some sort. But I’m feeling more that crafting of my life is also a thing and something that I need to work on.

Grief

I have no pictures for you today. I have finished the gloves and I restarted the heels on my socks. But I’ve been creating very little.

Normally creating is a balm to the soul. Currently I find myself sleeping a lot.

My stepdaughter from my last marriage took her own life at the beginning of the month. She would have been 16 at the end of March.

I’m very slowly coming out of this depression; creating, friends, and family have been a boon in this time of grief. But at the moment I don’t know when I’ll have more pictures.

In lieu of knitting pictures I give you pictures of this beautiful girl and ask that you share the link, donate if you can. And if you have young ones in your life … hug them tight and let them know you’re there for them, you love them. There’s never enough time.

 

Talesia Memorial fund.

18 Days to the Wedding!

Lack of computer + honeymoon planning + honeymoon week + wedding prep = no time for Shadow to blog. Also the tendonitis means that I haven’t been able to knit for 2 months.

Some have asked where we’re registered and we’re really not. Approximately 300sf plus dog and cat doesn’t leave room for stuff. But we’d love help with the wedding costs, if any are so inclined.

Jon & Shadow’s Wedding Fund

 

Hopefully I’ll be back to blogging (and knitting!) soon.

The Rare Request

78 days to the wedding and life kinda hit us in the stomach, hard. Our only car was totaled when a girl pulled out in front of Jon and there was no way he could stop fast enough. We’ll likely get nothing from it as we still owed a bit on it. Meanwhile, we still have to find another car, plus probably pay off the totaled car. We couldn’t afford a 2nd car payment, thus only the one car. And now he’s been a week out of work since he’s a delivery driver and can’t work without a car.

We’re looking at possibly having to cancel things, like the honeymoon trip to camp out and fight for a week. If you want to throw money at us, that would be awesome; as little as $5 would be a appreciated. If not, that’s cool too, I just wanted to see if we could get a little help.

We don’t have a registry, just the gofundme. We live in about 300sf, so not a lot of room for stuff, and no kitchen so most of what I’d ask for I don’t have a need for at the moment. All the money in the gofundme is being considered as wedding gifts, first to help pay off the venue, then to pay for the honeymoon, and finally, if there’s anything left over, household things that we would have put on the registry, like bed and bath items.

I just really want to make this the best wedding / honeymoon ever for the man I love. He says I just have to be there for that, but I’d like awesome memories of a beautiful day and an incredible week of doing the thing we love, together.

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Kane & Shadow’s Wedding Fund

Ode to the Best Friend a Girl Could Have

My sweet, darling puppy.

 

I miss you so much.

 

When I first saw Nox she was pressed to the front of the cage bars looking down at the floor. She was scared of heights and they had her in the top crate. She didn’t cower at the back of the cage, instead she sat at the front and stared her fear in the face. When I opened the cage to visit with her she instantly trusted that I wouldn’t drop her. She nuzzled so hard while sitting in my lap it was as though she was trying to merge with me.

 

She was my birthday present and I often called her my precious. We never bothered to work out her actual birthday but instead celebrated her birthday with mine. She nearly always had a treat of some sort.

 

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More than once my first husband would drive me into a panic attack with his abuse and behaviour. She would often crawl into my lap and bring me out of the inner hell my brain was unleashing on me. No matter how bad it was she could always show me the way home. My spirit puppy always tied me to earth.

 

She never begged for food. Occasionally she’d steal food if you left it out. Clearly, if you left it unattended it was no longer wanted by you. She would wait patiently under the table if you had pork chops because she knew the bone was for her. She would give me the side eye when I opened tuna. The juice always went over her dry food and after I was finished with the bowl she would help clean the last traces. She loved being helpful.

 

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She loved to play on the bed. We would often roughhouse and tussle when I came home. She was always super careful to not nip my hands. She was not so careful with others. When she was done I’d crawl up on the bed and we’d snuggle; she’d push as close to me as she could.

 

When my SO and I would fight she’d crawl up between us at night. She often shoved my first husband off the bed while he was sleeping if we went to bed angry. When voices were raised she’d stand between us, refusing to allow any hurtful touch. My fierce protector.

 

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She was always happy to see me, running to me as fast as she could. This occasionally had humorous consequences when she was on a leash. She made it clear that she loved attention but Mommy’s attention was the absolute best, second to none. My faithful friend.

 

When it rained she was scared, but she knew I’d protect her. She’d snuggle closer to me in the bed, sometimes abandoning her chosen place at the foot of the bed to press her head to my chest. I’d gently pet her and tell her it was okay, she was dry and safe. My trusting girl always knew I’d take care of her.

 

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She got older, more stubborn. But she was still careful of others and let the kitten pounce on her all the time. The only time she ever nipped at her that I know of, the kitty was trying to steal food. Nox had just been yelled at for stealing the kitty’s food. I assume she figured that was fair. Hers was hers. Granted, at one time she also backed a full grown husky off her bowl, a dog that was easily 3 times the size of Nox. In the end, she curled up on the blanket we shared while sitting on the couch before she walked the rainbow bridge. I didn’t make it home in time but she had that part of us there with her and she knew I loved her more than anything.

 

My Nox, Yoda Puppy, Nix Nox, Nox Sidious, Noxxie, My Precious

 

My very best friend, I know you’re happy and frolicking. I wish I’d been there but I’m sure Nanny and Grandad are spoiling you rotten, as they did when they were here. I love you. I miss you.

 

March 2000 – April 2016.

WIP Wednesday: Still Nothing, and yet Progress

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I have a more involved brace, more restrictions, but a diagnosis and hope. We saw the specialist on Friday and he said I have De Quervain syndrome. Naturally it’s affected by every single one of my hobbies, but thanks to the steroid shot and the brace (despite how much I despise it) I’m feeling a lot better. There’s a lot less pain, though still quite a bit of weakness. I have to wear the brace all day (though I take if off to eat because I’m impossible) for the rest of this week. Then I can start wearing it less and slowly resuming my activities. I’m sure fighting will be the last thing I can get back to but at least I’ll be able to spend a bit of time with knitting and video games.

Yay for actually knowing what’s going on. 😀

WIP Wednesday: Nothing

I am twitchy in ways I didn’t think I could be. I can’t knit, play console games, most computer games are out as the mouse and keyboard both are difficult to do, and I can’t fight. To say I’m not handling it well is a severe understatement.

On the plus side the Dr. is pretty sure it’s not carpel tunnel. He thinks it’s just a sprained tendon from the flurry of gift knitting I did. I have an appointment with a specialist on Thursday to find out more.

Meanwhile I’m staring at my stash and wondering why it hasn’t knit itself up yet.

Stash Frustration

This is my stash .. or about half of it.

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There’s more fiber in a tote in a storage building and about half the yarn is still over at the ex’s. I have to stand on the couch to see even partway inside the top two drawers (yay for being short). I can’t fully open any of the drawers and I can’t access the bottom two (not pictured) at all without moving several things.

I was frantically pawing at it night before last because I was quickly running out of the alpaca I was knitting with and I knew there was just a tiny bit left over from a previous project. I found it. I also found a gorgeous blue sock yarn that I want to make socks with and then use the remainder to make little footies to wear with my heels for the wedding. Last night I couldn’t find it at all, despite knowing I shoved it back into the drawer that has a bit peeking out.

I did manage to find two left over balls that I had set aside to make fingerless mitts with (and then lost one of them). But I’m apparently short by 20 yards to make any of the designs I found on Ravelry. Yes, I could make my own pattern but my brain is mush these days and I really just want to sit down and follow somebody else’s trials and mistakes without having to think all that much. Even trying to find a pattern for a random bit of yarn is feeling altogether too much.

It’s dumb, I know, to complain about such trivial things. But I feel like I’m incredibly limited in what I can easily lay my hands on and lately everything feels like a chore. None of my crafting is leaving me fulfilled. I’m sure I’d feel better if I put laundry up or organized the pantry / bathroom / everything shelf we have but when I’m already feeling worn out and at the end of my rope that doesn’t appeal at all.

I’m still here, I’m just drowning under a mountain of have to’s, should do’s, and I don’t wanna’s.